You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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