You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
