Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
