wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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