My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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