hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
