I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
