You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Mom said you looked used
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
