I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
