weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The beer is more important than you right now.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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