LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
