So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
