dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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