there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
