Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
