My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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