I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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