I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
