He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize