Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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