He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
