A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
