Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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