direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
