Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
