I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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