there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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