We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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