I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
