the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dicks are not precious.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
