Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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