i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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