Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
