you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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