May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
