i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
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it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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