oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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