you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
