My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize