Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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