Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
