I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
