why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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