People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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