he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
