some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Blood and glitter go together right?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
