I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
