I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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