Sry I called you an 8
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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