I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Randomize
