the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
