I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
