yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
