I am spending my child support on dildos
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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