So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
