Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
