why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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