So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
