At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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