I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
