'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
