Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
