i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
