He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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