Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
