we need to drink 2009 down the drain
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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