I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You're like the curious george of whores
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
