I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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