I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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