im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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