I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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