He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize