I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Where did you get a picture of my penis
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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