I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
