wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
