I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
