I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
