I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
