no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The best revenge is premature balding
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
