I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
