Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
