even my farts smell like vagina
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
