If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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