dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just found a bag of teeth...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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